Lessons in Trauma Healing: Comfort Zone and Conflict Resolution

Watch how bold little Angel (the black kitten) tries to engage with his larger, gentler sibling, Tommy.

Angel is very focused. He darts out to engage with Tommy and then rushes straight back to his comfort zone over and over again. He makes sure that he doesn’t go beyond his “do-able range” and he keeps contact with his box, his comfort zone, his safe place and his resources.

Notice how he completes each cycle of the yang outward movement with the yin inward movement and he pauses to gather himself together, before he rushes out again.

He is building his potency, his strength and his courage. His nervous system is getting stronger and healthier.

Tommy on the other hand is easily a match for Angel. He is more relaxed and easy going and makes good, safe “target practice” for his tiny little brother.

As children we were often not allowed to complete our own cycles. This was because the grownups had other agendas, or life happened faster than we could process it. So we just had to compensate and move on. This is why it’s important to give yourself the time and attention in the present day, to let old unfinished cycles complete and old stories to process out. Then you can live more fully in the pleasure of today, as old trauma patterns resolve.

In case you didn’t know, Tommy and Angel were among 6 siblings who were born in the the wild from a young feral mother, under a lavender bush outside our bedroom window. This series of “Lessons from the Wild, in Trauma Healing” documents their journeys from pre-birth, and is part of our program on Trauma Healing and research with the reptilian brain.

According to Peter Levine, author of Waking the Tiger, the fight flee freeze responses predate this primitive brain.

Dr Stephen Porges, psychiatrist and researcher, discusses the importance of the social engagement system to develop safety and trust and resolve conflict, in his book, The Polyvagal Theory: Neurophysiological Foundations of Emotions, Attachment, Communication, and Self-regulation.

This Polyvagal Theory, developed in 1994, provides a theoretical perspective to study and to treat stress and trauma.

Click this link to access the very first Lesson from the Wild and to meet Minky, their beautiful young mother.